Crap happens...

Any time I have to drag my kids to the grocery store with me, I know it ain’t gonna be pretty and that I’m gonna need a stiff drink (Dr Pepper works well) afterwards. It takes fifty times longer than it should, somebody’s either whining or suddenly needs to poop, and I never know what’s gonna be in my cart by the time I get to the checkout line. That is why I try to move heaven and earth to do my shopping trips solo if at all possible. Unfortunately, though, sometimes crap happens, and I have no other choice but to suck it up and take the pip squeaks with me.

So today, crap happened, and I had two little shopping companions along for the ride whether I liked it or not. As soon as we set foot into the store, the wheels in their heads started spinning like mad about ways to entertain themselves. The first annoying thing my posse decided to do was to collect twisty ties from the produce section. I think it’s pretty safe to say that future tomato and apple shoppers will have to go without tying their bags since we now are the proud new owners of a ton of stolen twisty ties.

From there, they moved onto placing there grubby little fingers on every single item of food they could reach. Please people dont forget to wash your food when you get it home! You have no idea where there fingers have been! My minions made it their own personal duty to visit each and every produce item, asking what it was and what it tastes like. By the time we moved on to the cereal isle I was already dreading the rest of the 26 isles to go!

And then we had the fun that always goes along with the checkout lane itself. I was trying to just get all the crap on the conveyor belt and hide all the crap I had know idea when it got into my cart, so we could get the heck out of there. While my kids were busy picking up packs of gum and candy bars and all sorts of things that I had no intention of buying. So we bagged up and drove home with our pillaged pile of twisty ties, I put away the groceries and cracked open a can of cold Dr Pepper

Oh but my day didnt end there... Reagan decided to slice her finger open with a pearing knife. Blood oozing up her hand and dripping off the elbow sent me into frantic mommy mode. Props to her for not even crying, she calmly walks in and says,"Mommy Ihave bllod." she handles blood much better then I do. After a band aid, a hug and a kiss, and my heart beat returning to normal I sent the munchkins up for a bit of quiet time. This turned into tattle time, William coming to explain that Reagan had nail polish and she was doing it wrong on the CARPET!!!!

Yeah mommy panic mode kicked in for the second time today. Sure enough I run up to find a candy apple red stain, Right. Smack. in the middle of the white carpet! Learning from past experience, the little spawns stayed in the room with me while I dabbed, scrubbed, and pleaded with the stain to come out. While the candy apple color had my full attention William decided to go face diving off my well neglected exercise ball.

Again. Mommy panic mode... It was just like on TV when you see everything happen but in super slow motion, as he leaps into the air and perfects a nose dive into the floor. I had all sorts of thoughts run through my head such as " His neck is broken!" and many other morbid thoughts. With more hugs and kisses a cool cloth to soothe the goose egg my heart again comes back into my chest.

I ducktape the kids to their rooms ( not really, but it wouldnt be the first time the thought had occured to me.) I then spent the rest of the day reminding myself why I’d rather shovel reindeer crap than take the shorties to the grocery store ever again….